Please bear with me as I copy and pasted a lot of this from my journal:
Last Thursday my mom called me to tell me my Aunt Beebe had passed away unexpectedly. It was just like they say, you are trekking along and you expect the next step up the stairs and then are thrown off unexpectedly when it isn't there. It was hard because we didn't know what happened to her. It was sad because she was so incredibly young and full of life. My firs thought was my cousin Barbara. I haven't seen her in years but I felt so sick for her. How would I feel if I just loss my mother. I am too young to loose a parent, besides, that is something that is just never going to happen....right? I talked to my dad that night and we just bawled together. It is hard to listen to the man you grew up linking to the tough and invincible "John Wayne" and hear him crumble with emotion.
This is my Bennett blood line:
Top: David (my dad), Dorian, Dwight, Barbara, Beebe
Bottom: Duke, David, Dorian, Dwight, Barbara, Beebe
Both of my Grandparents have passed on: Harold "Bones" Bennett and Ruth Bennett
Today they are burying my Aunt in Glendale AZ. My aunt was only 49. It was so unexpected. This has been hard for me; lots of mixed emotions.
I guess what the hardest part for me is is the fact I can't be there. We live so far away that it is difficult to get there. It is the same situation when Grandma Bennett died. I wanted to go there. I wanted to say goodbye. I loved her. I loved my aunt. I may not have spent a good deal of time with them, but I did love them. I wanted to hear their life story over the pulpit and see who else loved these amazing women. I wanted to hear people express their kind words about these people and the blood we shared. I just wanted to be their to hold my dad's hand and let him know that I love him, because one day I will have to say goodbye to him for a season until we meet again.
I think of my Aunt Barbara and my own sister. How hard it would be for me to lose her. She is my dearest friend. I couldn't imagine life without her. We have such a sweet bond that I never thought we would have growing up. This is how my Aunt Barbara must feel. She must be at a loss. To lose a sister is like losing a limb. You are forever incomplete. I tear up at the thought of me losing my Jes, but these days it doesn't take much to tear up!
That brings me to my Heavenly Father. How I love Him for his eternal plan and that I have my family forever if I prove myself worthy and do all within my power. That is love. That is why I am thankful for my knowledge in this gospel and of His Plan of Happiness. We will all die. We will all feel heartache. That, unfortunately, is inevitable. But oh how sweet that my Father in Heaven sent a Savior to atone for my sins that I may live with Him and Jesus Christ again; that I may rise above the heartache and find peace and comfort in knowing they live on and that I will see them again. It is truly beautiful that I can know for assurance this life is not the end.
Ben and I stayed up late (again) last night talking, seeing that is the only time we can talk. We talked about politics, Christmas, our anniversary, all of our demands right now, our love for each other and our love for our daughter. He told me of a saddening story where a man lost his young daughter in a horrific accident a couple days ago. We were both in tears for how awful it would be to bury a child or sibling unexpectedly. We were in tears for this family and for mine.
I guess what it all comes down to is that I feel so blessed and privileged to be raised in this gospel; to know of Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father; to know the Plan of Salvation; to know this life isn't the end; to know comfort from the Holy Ghost is the sweetest gift a loving Heavenly Father can bestow to his children while on earth; to know that I am sealed to my paretns an siblings, my best friend and love, and to my child and other children to come. I am overwhelmed with gratitude in this knowledge. I know Christ lives. I know He loves us. I know times are hard, but I have so much to be thankful for and find peace in. I am thankful to my husband and that we can sit and share our most personal experiences, cry, be edified from one another, and cherish each other for who we truly are. I have had to take some hard hits to learn this, but life really isn't about what you have (although I do love my dirt bike and worldy items), but it is about who you have around you at the end of the day and where your faith lies.